The difference between an intention and a commitment…
“The biggest risk you can take is to do nothing at all, when you know there’s something you need to do. It doesn’t seem like a big risk right now, but when you’ve reached the end of your life, and look back with regret on what you didn’t do, then it’s too late. You’re out of time.”
—Gregg Krech
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.”
—Lao Tzu
What’s something that you’ve been wanting to do for a while that you haven’t yet taken action on?
For me, it was starting this newsletter.
So naturally, something I’ve been reflecting on lately is the distinction between an intention and a commitment.
What’s the difference?
Intentions usually begin with “I want to…” or “Someday I will…” They exist in the realm of words, ideas, and aspirations, but don’t necessarily result in action.
Commitments, however, contain both words AND action. They sound like “I will…” or “I promise to…” and are followed by constructive action.
A commitment is something that we can count on and trust, while an intention is something that may or may not happen.
For instance, saying “I want to start a newsletter” is an intention; it doesn’t tell you anything about whether I’m actually going to do it. On the other hand, saying “I will start a newsletter, I’m going to invite people to sign up to it, and I’m going to send out the first one by this date”, and then doing it makes it a commitment.
We carry out commitments all the time without realizing it. And I’m sure all of us can think of at least one thing we’ve been wanting to do for weeks, months, or even years, but haven’t taken any action on. We intend to do it someday, we just haven’t gotten around to deciding when exactly that “someday” will be.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with intentions. In fact, a powerful intention can help us get to the root of our desires, connect us to our core values, and inform us on what actions to take.
But as Gregg Krech writes in his book, The Art of Taking Action, it’s much more impactful and meaningful to “have a small portion of compassionate action than a barn full of ideas about kindness.”
Who would you rather be? Someone who has a million ideas around what it means to be kind and only ever intends to be kind, or someone who is committed to being kind and actually treats others with kindness?
Intentions can work against us
A recent conversation with a client reminded me of the potential downsides of setting intentions without following through on them.
He shared with me that he would buy a book with the intention to read it, but because he didn’t set aside any time in his busy schedule to actually read, the book remained unread on his bookshelf for months that turned into years.
He did this several times and eventually, he began telling himself that he’s just not the kind of person who can finish a book. He even went so far as saying that he’s not the kind of person who can follow through on anything. And because he believed this to be true, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy that trapped him in a state of inaction and shame.
Intentions are harmless until we turn them into fodder for self-judgment and blame. It’s when we turn our own good intentions against ourselves and use them as evidence for our “inadequacy” or “lack of discipline” that they become entirely counterproductive.
Commitments are empowering and affirming
The power of a commitment or a promise comes from the energy it takes to act on it. It’s only by taking action that you can make any impact on the world around you and create the outcome you want. No amount of thinking about it will do it (trust me, I’ve tried).
Commitments are what differentiate people who have values, from people who live their values. As Alex Sheen says in his inspiring TED Talk, “You can pretend to care, but you can’t pretend to show up.”
Each time you keep a commitment to yourself or to someone else, you are communicating—both inwardly and outwardly—that you are a person of your word, a person that can be trusted to follow through. You create concrete evidence through direct experience of your capacity to show up for the things you say matter to you. This can be incredibly empowering, affirming, and confidence-building.
Keeping commitments is a skill
And just like any other skill, it can be learned and mastered through consistent practice.
The key is to remember that the goal is progress, not perfection. Small, consistent steps will get you farther than you can probably imagine, and certainly much farther than simply thinking about it will get you.
Here are some steps that you can take right now to practice turning your intentions into commitments:
Identify an intention. What’s something you’ve been saying you want to do, but haven’t yet taken action on on?
Get clear on why you set the intention in the first place. What’s important to you about it? You may discover that it no longer is important (or never truly was), in which case you can simply drop the intention.
Identify the smallest unit of action that you can take on it. Start with an action so small that there’s virtually no resistance.
Create a structure that will support you in taking the action. Schedule it into your calendar, set an alarm, or ask someone to hold you accountable. Better yet, take the action right now if possible, or as soon as you possibly can.
Get clear on how you’ll know when the commitment is complete. What will be the specific outcome of you following through on your commitment? What will be different in both your inner and outer worlds?
Once you’ve taken action, no matter how small, acknowledge yourself for your effort. And celebrate in a meaningful way once your commitment is complete. This can be as simple as taking yourself out for lunch at your favorite restaurant, going for a nature walk, or cooking a delicious meal for yourself. Don’t skip this part, it’s important.
Lastly, be mindful of the number of commitments you make. Overcommitting yourself will not serve you or anyone else. The point isn’t to get things done simply for the sake of checking off some boxes or to please others. It’s to live a life of aligned action that feels authentic and fulfilling for YOU.
If you made it to the end of this newsletter, I acknowledge you. My invitation is to turn information into transformation by taking action on what you just read.
And if you do, send me an email at coach.mellania@gmail.com and let me know what you did so I can celebrate you.